The Sad and Woeful Tale of the Denim

The Americanus Denimrien, commonly known as the 'denim,' is a herbivorous creature.

Once, they roamed the plains in multitudinous herds. By the night, they huddle together for warmth and the sound of their gentle cooing could inexplicably be heard for miles around, lulling other creatures into a peaceful slumber. Don't be mislead by their peaceful appearance, friend, for they are by no means passive if threatened by a carnivore! The males of the species are endowed with great tusks which they furiously wield in defense of their herd. 

Unfortunately, man has discovered this noble creature and decided its fate:

 To become clothing.

Yes, it is indeed a sad state, but when presented with the pelt of the denim, the fashion industry first created a utilitarian article: the "Levi." After many decades of only killing denims when overpopulation occurred, a horrible turn took place.

A mad scientist had caught a young denim, and accidentally dropped the poor creature into a vat of Sulfuric Acid! The pitiful thing died squealing, in tremendous pain. The sick man then proceeded to skin the beast and attempt to create a "Levi" from the pelt. The result: an abomination known only as "acid washed jeans." The fashion industry latched onto this horrid thing in the mid eighties and the resulting popularity of these morbid garments led to the decimation of the once grand denim herds...

As time wore on, sick people tried other horrid methods of killing these poor creatures in the hopes of creating the next fashion trend. Some where tossed into cement mixers filled with pebbles ("Stone-Washed Jeans"), while other denims had acid speckled onto them before a more traditional execution (the short lived "Galaxy-wash"). When these variation where not enough, the clothiers went from pants to shirts, jackets caps, etc.

While the more cruel methods of treatment (acid and stone wash) have thankfully disappeared from the racks at miller's outpost, the "Levi" is still a common sight. Please, if there is any hope of preventing the complete obliteration of the remaining small herds, boycott the use of any denim products! With luck, humanity can prevent the extinction of a rare and noble creature.

If you wish to help save the denim, please send contributions to:

Save the Denims
c/o Charles Smith
P.O. Box 4735
Berkeley, CA 94703